Ten rape prevention tips:
1. Don’t put drugs in women’s drinks.
2. When you see a woman walking by herself, leave her alone.
3. If you pull over to help a woman whose car has broken down, remember not to rape her.
4. If you are in an elevator and a woman gets in, don’t rape her.
5. When you encounter a woman who is asleep, the safest course of action is to not rape her.
6. Never creep into a woman’s home through an unlocked door or window, or spring out at her from between parked cars, or rape her.
7. Remember, people go to the laundry room to do their laundry. Do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.
8. Use the Buddy System! If it is inconvenient for you to stop yourself from raping women, ask a trusted friend to accompany you at all times.
9. Carry a rape whistle. If you find that you are about to rape someone, blow the whistle until someone comes to stop you.
10. Don’t forget: Honesty is the best policy. When asking a woman out on a date, don’t pretend that you are interested in her as a person; tell her straight up that you expect to be raping her later. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the woman may take it as a sign that you do not plan to rape her.
My co-worker recently created this list, inspired by sites like this. As I was reading, I couldn’t decide if I should laugh or be horrified by the reality that violence prevention tips are always aimed at what the targeted person should do (judgment strongly implied) to protect themselves.
In the past two weeks, headlines about rape have flooded the news—CBS Reporter Recounts a ‘Merciless’ Assault, Congo study sets estimates of rape much higher , Peace Corps volunteer speaks out on rape. And, of course, IMF Chief charged with rape. I am glad to see people speaking out about rape. But raising awareness isn’t enough. How do we actually change perpetrators’ thoughts and convince them not to rape?
If you experienced rape as a reporter, a Peace Corps volunteer, a war survivor, a hotel maid, or by your partner, you don’t need rape prevention tips. It is the rapist and the culture around us that excuses, supports, and looks away that we must change.
May 26, 2011 at 1:59 pm
righteous.
May 26, 2011 at 3:28 pm
I wish it were that easy. I really do. But, the people who need to read this, and learn from it, won’t do either. They’re the boss. They don’t need no pansy-ass list to tell them what to do with wimmen. They’ll do as they dayum well please!
Techniques for reducing rape boil down to two broad categories:
- Educating potential rapists.
- Empowering potential victims, both before and after the event.
Neither will stop problem. Both are important.
Note that I did not include the word “punishing” in the first broad category. That’s a deliberate choice for an unfortunate reason. That unfortunate reason is that the minimum condition for the successful punishment of a rapist is an empowered victim.
I wish it were different.
May 26, 2011 at 8:08 pm
Excellent. Something every parent, should teach to their child.
May 27, 2011 at 1:35 pm
Thanks for all the comments. I too wish it were different, and that is why this list captured my attention. I hope we can keep pushing for the answer(s) that will push our culture towards change.
June 1, 2011 at 11:40 am
Check this site out (if you don’t know of it already.) I do not agree with the name “slutwalk”, but this is a good thing. There are pictures of the Vancouver B.C. slutwalk, and you should check out the signs, some of the signs have very powerful messages..like..nobody ever asked ME what my RAPIST was wearing.
http://slutwalkseattle.com/
June 6, 2011 at 9:19 am
This is great.
June 7, 2011 at 11:07 am
[...] This. I am trying to spin it into a positive. At least someone wrote a GOOD rape prevention list? There [...]
June 7, 2011 at 10:49 pm
Unfortunately, you cannot prevent a first time rapist, but once you have them here is my simple 3 step plan to prevent rape:
Step 1 – take rapist out back behind the courthouse
Step 2 – shoot the in the back of the head.
Step 3 – Leave them for vultures to clean up.
This plan will unfortunately not prevent rapes totally, but it will guarantee that there are no multiple offenders which considering the recidivism rate of rapist though it is a good start.
June 8, 2011 at 1:34 am
Are you kidding? Is this done with intentional sarcasm or did someone actually think a page like this would provide anything of value? Is it a joke and I am just missing the point?
June 8, 2011 at 9:19 am
@Eileen, thanks for your comment. Yes, our intention was to use sarcasm/satire to get people out of that mainstream mindset of always focusing on how a victim can/should prevent rape. Certainly using sarcasm in this way doesn’t resonate with everyone, but I hope this continues to spark conversation about how we can focus responsibility where it belongs.
June 8, 2011 at 11:17 am
@Dan, my thoughts are: revenge is not justice. violence is not a deterrent. cleaning up is not prevention. i, and many activists and organizations around the world, remain committed to ending violence — preventing it before it starts, and eliminating concern about recidivism that way.
June 28, 2011 at 8:14 am
[...] thing for almost a year now, and it just dawned on me that we’ve been talking a lot about sex and sexual violence. Some might say “what gives?” I thought this was the domestic violence coalition?” (Or that [...]
June 29, 2011 at 4:26 pm
A rapist should be bound prone, and their victims should be allowed to abuse them in any way, or if they’re too traumatized, declare a deputy to abuse the rapist for them.
There is insufficient penalty for power-violence. I don’t think society really understands how fucked-up a person has to be to enjoy dominating someone against their will.
June 29, 2011 at 5:58 pm
Thank you so much for this article. It is so incredibly wounding to have people saying that if women don’t want to be raped, they must give up their basic freedoms. Don’t go for a walk by myself. Don’t go anywhere after dark. Wear running shoes. Don’t go anywhere without a lot of people. Don’t dress “provocatively” (whatever the hell that means). Carry some type of weapon. It’s all about women making themselves prisoners before a rapist even tries to lay a hand on her.
June 29, 2011 at 6:47 pm
[...] Well, here’s ten rape-prevention tips that make far make sense, posted by Leigh Hofheimer at canyourelate.org: 1. Don’t put drugs in women’s [...]
June 30, 2011 at 10:23 pm
[...] I encountered these pointedly amusing if somewhat chilling ten rape prevention tips for men on Can You Relate, a civil rights blog dedicated to tackling issues surrounding violence and [...]
September 19, 2011 at 6:54 am
[...] get a feel for how much we are socialized to blame the victim, read this list about how to stop rape and consider why it almost seems comical to assign the responsibility to [...]
September 19, 2011 at 8:32 am
[...] get a feel for how much we are socialized to blame the victim, read this list about how to stop rape and consider why it almost seems comical to assign the responsibility to [...]
November 4, 2011 at 12:54 am
I feel trolled.
November 9, 2011 at 4:48 pm
[...] Source: http://canyourelate.org/2011/05/24/rape-prevention-tips/ [...]
December 9, 2011 at 7:37 am
DAMIANNE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THIS IS SILLY AN USELESS.
When law enforcement gives rape prevention tips, they offer them to potential VICTIMS because the vicitim can control her actions.
The victim can not control the assailants.
Now would you waste time advising thieves NOT to steal, or make PRODUCTIVE use of time by advising people how to safeguard his or property from thieves.
POLICE can not be everywhere. There are steps one can take to avoid being a victim.
I guess law enforcement must realize no good deed goes unpunished.
December 13, 2011 at 4:39 am
[...] are ways to go about it that don’t involve victim-blaming. Take Leigh Hofheimer’s article about Rape Prevention, which includes such items as: 1. Don’t put drugs in women’s [...]
December 14, 2011 at 12:39 pm
And the best way to prevent rape …
Stop defining a woman getting drunk and (regrettably) sleeping with a random stranger as rape.
December 14, 2011 at 9:33 pm
It is crazy that it’s still so socially acceptable.
I’m a college kid and I go to the University of Arizona but I’ve got a lot of best friends in the East. One of them was telling us (she goes to University of Vermont) that an entire fraternity offered the male population a survey that asked -
“If you could rape anyone in the world, who would it be?”
I don’t think I’ve ever been more taken aback in my life, and that’s not the all-girl feminist high school talking. It goes without saying that the entire fraternity (Sigma Chi) is now suspended indefinitely from her campus.
December 14, 2011 at 9:42 pm
That is nuts. I tweeted this list to the Sigma Chi frat.
December 15, 2011 at 2:22 pm
lol
December 15, 2011 at 3:55 pm
I loved this. Rape prevention really is not the responsibility of the victim!
December 15, 2011 at 4:08 pm
I agree with the spirit of this concept. It is most certainly not the *responsibility* of a victim.
I believe, however, that it is within the *capability* of any potential victim to take measures to reduce vulnerability.
I also understand that, as a male, I’m not really in a position to understand entirely.
December 15, 2011 at 6:51 pm
Eh this is a ridiculous point. We have rape prevention advice and rape awareness on the part of the potential victim because it is actually effective, rape victims are usually normal people who can absorb information and alter their behavior in line with warnings. The same cannot obviously be applied to a rapist, a person beyond the normal spectrum of control and education. A person who is by definition on the outside of social mores, a person who knows on a societal level that rape is wrong yet will still pursue it. This post is ridiculous. I’m still not sure what the point is, could the author propose an actual rapist-education program that has merit?
December 15, 2011 at 6:54 pm
Rape awareness ads targeted at potential victims do no lay the responsibility at the victim’s door, as has been suggested, they pragmatically attempt to reduce the amount of rapes by arming people with awareness and vigilance. It is a pragmatic approach, it is not suggesting that it is the victim’s fault. Get real.
December 15, 2011 at 6:59 pm
Also: There ARE anti-rape ads that are aimed at men.
December 16, 2011 at 9:28 am
Alex and Hugh: I understand where you’re coming from. Of course when people give women advice on how to avoid being raped, they are trying to help and to empower women. But the question is, does the advice really help or not?
There’s a great article on Salon about all the ways that this advice-giving, regardless of its intended effect, is harmful (http://www.salon.com/2011/12/14/how_to_prevent_rape_without_blaming_victims/singleton/).
I encourage you to read the whole thing, but here are some of the main points:
“The notion that [what you do] influences your chance of being raped is just one of the ways that we delude ourselves into believing that rape happens to other women – women who aren’t as smart or cautious.”
“these tips transform “in the police station and courtroom into a list of reasons to let the rapist off the hook,” Amanda Marcotte says. “I can’t really think of a tip that hasn’t been wielded by a defense attorney at some point in time to insinuate consent on the part of the victim”
“And, frequently, there are additional layers of ick, like the recommendation to always take a cab to one’s door — which assumes everyone has the financial ability to take cabs everywhere” and that “cabbies don’t sometimes rape people, too.”
“The truth is, there’s no such thing as a ‘rape prevention tip’ for potential victims, because the only way to prevent being raped is to never be in the same space as a determined rapist, over which we often have no control, which is why most survivors have been raped in a familiar place by a person known to them,” Melissa McEwan says.
“Even with a serial rapist on the loose, women in your ‘hood are still much, much more likely to be raped by someone they know,” Jaclyn Friedman says. “Focusing so hard on stranger danger means we pay less attention to warning signs from people we’re acquainted with, and it also contributes to our cultural unwillingness to believe victims when they’re attacked by someone they know.”
“Are there any women in the U.S. who don’t know [these tips]? I’m willing to believe that number approaches zero,” Jaclyn Friedman says. “Repeating that advice isn’t helpful, it’s just shaming all of us for not being perfect at following those impossible rules.”
December 16, 2011 at 10:24 am
Oh. I was leaning more toward self-defense practices, chemical weapons and concealed-carry.
I don’t think a woman should have to even *consider* her behavior or outfit or surroundings to avoid being raped. It should not happen anywhere, for any reason.
I would like to see more would-be rapists injured or killed by well-prepared women.
December 16, 2011 at 1:21 pm
Hugh: Thanks for sharing that great PSA. My intent – like this ad – is to shift our culture away from blaming the victim. To your point about rapists being “beyond the normal spectrum” my fellow blogger (http://canyourelate.org/2010/12/14/no-surprise/) points out that people can be “admired, talented … AND a rapist.”
I think this type of conversation, shifting the focus from victims to the perpetrators, and realizing that rapists include folks we all know, is what we need to end this kind of violence.
December 16, 2011 at 1:41 pm
From my own experience as a college peer adviser, guys who rape are mostly regular guys. Maybe on a power trip, maybe messed up, maybe drunk or high, but mostly just regular people – not monsters – whom other people loved and cared about, and who often had some good qualities, who did terrible, terrible things. And this was because because they thought they had a right to control women (and often, other men too).
Changing that mentality is what will stop rape.
December 17, 2011 at 12:34 pm
orgasmus…
[...]Rape prevention tips « Can You Relate?[...]…
December 18, 2011 at 11:03 am
RAPE IS NO JOKE
RINJ.org
Ridiculing rape and rape victims by publishing this absurd set of directions for rapists doesn’t do any good, only harm.
I read this and some of the comments and it is very clear that there are a lot of very stupid people on this planet ready to follow the very stupid people of this planet.
1. Don’t put drugs in women’s drinks. Don’t drug anyone. It’s a crime! Don’t commit any crimes.
2. When you see a woman walking by herself, leave her alone. Don’t harass anyone. It’s a crime.
3. If you pull over to help a woman whose car has broken down, remember not to rape her. That is not funny! Rape is no joke.
4. If you are in an elevator and a woman gets in, don’t rape her. Dn’t murder oher either and don’t write on the elevator walls. Don’t spit, don’t defecate and don’t blow your brains out either.
5. When you encounter a woman who is asleep, the safest course of action is to not rape her. That is not funny. There is no option. Rape is a crime. You left out all the others. Don’t steal her wallet. Don’t kill her. Don’t spit on her or assault her in any way. Don’t do any other crimes either.
6. Never creep into a woman’s home through an unlocked door or window, or spring out at her from between parked cars, or rape her. Not funny! Rape is no joke!
7. Remember, people go to the laundry room to do their laundry. Do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room. Don’t commit any crime. Don’t kill them. Don’t rob them. Don’t do crime.
8. Use the Buddy System! If it is inconvenient for you to stop yourself from raping women, ask a trusted friend to accompany you at all times. You have been talking to rapists. Are you now telling rapists to use the buddy system?
9. Carry a rape whistle. If you find that you are about to rape someone, blow the whistle until someone comes to stop you. Rape is no joke. You are not funny.
10. Don’t forget: Honesty is the best policy. When asking a woman out on a date, don’t pretend that you are interested in her as a person; tell her straight up that you expect to be raping her later. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the woman may take it as a sign that you do not plan to rape her. This is not funny. Rape is no joke.
December 18, 2011 at 11:25 am
Ridiculing rape and rape victims encourages a rape culture. ALready women must fear half the men they would meet because of violence, rape, kidnapping, robbery and fraud. Do you really think you are being funny? Rape is no joke. This page is disgusting. Take it down.
December 18, 2011 at 11:33 am
Using satire or humour about rape further normalises a rape culture and the high instance of sexual violence in global society. Your misogynistic mockery of rape only increases the instance of rape.
Promoting crime is a crime of itself.
Take this page down!
Katie
RINJ dot Org
Rape Is No Joke
December 18, 2011 at 11:52 am
The page suggests rapists carry pink rape whistles. We have a campaign running to get this ‘Rape Joke’ taken down. This page steals some of the material and uses it out of context. On the page they claim they are trying to make “satire or humour” about rape to get their point across. It is effing ridiculous and horrible that after the global publicity Facebook got, people are trying to gain points by making a joke of Rape!!
This was the original the above came from. http://womensstudies.homestead.com/tipsformen.html <- This was the correct page where men were talking to men.
December 18, 2011 at 11:57 am
Take this page down.
Rape is no joke!!!!
December 18, 2011 at 4:53 pm
So a website told you to stick “rape is no joke” under this post, and told you to ask for it to be taken down. And you complied, because you like other people to do your thinking for you. Sheep.
December 20, 2011 at 11:39 am
[...] are ways to go about it that don’t involve victim-blaming. Take Leigh Hofheimer’s article about Rape Prevention, which includes such items as: – Don’t put drugs in women’s [...]
December 21, 2011 at 9:49 am
In the interest of keeping the dialogue readable, we will be removing comments that say the same thing by the same person.
December 21, 2011 at 10:02 am
It is hard for me to understand how anyone could read this post and this discussion and come away with the idea that we think rape is a joke.
December 29, 2011 at 9:34 pm
Those things that were mentioned should be taken in seriously. This would help you control yourself preventing you from committing a crime.
December 30, 2011 at 9:12 pm
[...] 8. Rape prevention tips « Can You Relate? [...]
January 3, 2012 at 8:14 am
[...] experiences healthy, loving, and safe relationships. We made great progress in 2011: highlighting new ways to talk about prevention, learning about teen relationships, talking with our own kids, sharing messages about respect, [...]
January 4, 2012 at 4:28 pm
These aren’t very useful tips. Can you imagine a similar list of tips to potential murderers about not murdering someone? Instead, you need to focus on what people can do to not become a victim.
January 7, 2012 at 1:12 am
To all the RINJ commenters, what on earth are you on about? If you find this list startling, satirical or in some way inappropriate, to me that says you’ve unconsciously bought into the “blame the victim” mentality which you should be fighting! Obviously this is not practical advice in the world we live in. But what it does do is combat the culture which says a rape victim is in any way to blame, and it does that by startling. The first time I read it (on a Slutwalk post), it startled me, and then I thought, “Why is this in any way startling? My god, I’ve bought this sh!t that it *should* be up to women to protect themselves”.
Practically, of course women have to protect themselves, but ethically, they shouldn’t *have* to. This page highlights how far we are from a culture which places the blame for rape fairly and squarely on the rapist. It highlights that women should not have to give up basic freedoms like wearing what they want, going where they want, doing what they want, because of fear of rape. It says we need to work towards a culture in which rape is socially repellent behaviour and completely unacceptable, full stop. We need more pages like this, not less.
January 7, 2012 at 10:48 am
“Why is this in any way startling? My god, I’ve bought this sh!t that it *should* be up to women to protect themselves.”
… So, then you bought into the shit that women should be helpless and defenseless? I don’t think so. I hope you don’t think so.
Men… No, ~People~ need to take No for an answer, and take silence for a No. People ~also~ need to understand that not everyone will take that No for an answer, and how back up their No with whatever determination is necessary.
January 7, 2012 at 12:22 pm
Dafydd, I think you’ve missed my point. Yes, we need to understand that not everyone will take No for an answer, and be willing to back up our No. Because that is the world we live in – there’s no point being a dewy-eyed idealist about it. But that gets morphed into an assumption that it is our moral responsibility to protect ourselves, and from there it’s not a very big step to “we brought it on ourselves” – because of not being tough enough or careful enough or responsible enough.
Instead we should be saying that yes, practical reality dictates that we have to protect ourselves, *and* that is wrong, a form of oppression, and an indictment of the culture we live in. It’s the latter part – that this is not right – that we forget very easily, and reading this makes us realise just how pervasive that forgetfulness is.
The quote in Reed’s comment (#32) is relevant:
“these tips transform “in the police station and courtroom into a list of reasons to let the rapist off the hook,” Amanda Marcotte says. “I can’t really think of a tip that hasn’t been wielded by a defense attorney at some point in time to insinuate consent on the part of the victim”
January 7, 2012 at 1:05 pm
I don’t know about “moral.” But, I can demonstrate that we have a responsibility, as individuals, to protect ourselves with just the notions that a major arterial laceration can kill us in 30 seconds, and a 911 response will almost never take less than 2 minutes. (1 to make the call, another go get the report to the units in the field.)
If you’re alone, you have a better chance of saving yourself than you have of getting rescued. That counts in rape, murder, lost in the woods, arm crushed under a boulder, lost at sea, airplane crash in the Andes, and many other examples from history. And, you can be alone with many people still around. Sometimes, your determination to survive may not be superior to someone else’s. Just ask the Donner party.
Beyond that, go back to my comment #2. It’s relevant to your point. The only way to stop a rapist is an empowered victim. That victim can either stop the rape before it starts, or be willing to go through the endless court battles you mention. The rapist can either be dissuaded at the time, or sent to jail.
The third alternative amounts to weakening the rights of the defendant. To say, effectively, that a person accused of rape is not Innocent Until Proven Guilty, or is not entitled to a vigorous defense. I’m not sure how close we want to get to that slippery slope.
I see lots of words spoken and written about educating the potential rapist. I agree with virtually all of it. I don’t see nearly enough about empowering the potential victim. Are potential victims getting ignored in order to avoid upsetting actual victims? Who are we saving, there?
January 8, 2012 at 6:47 am
[...] Rape prevention tips – for potential rapists: http://canyourelate.org/2011/05/24/rape-prevention-tips/ [...]
January 8, 2012 at 12:14 pm
Wow. When I first read this, I actually thought the thesis was that “Don’t Rape” is the critical message, not “Don’t get Raped”. Silly me. It was actually a joke intended to trivialize rape. And in error, since it didn’t also cover every other kind of crime.
January 9, 2012 at 9:21 am
Brilliant. Remarkable how we STILL need reminders about where the focus belongs.
January 9, 2012 at 10:24 am
So Yoshiki, thanks for the informative link. However, you should note that it was written by a woman, who identifies herself by name in the introductory text which you apparently glossed over.
January 11, 2012 at 6:04 am
[...] My magnificent friend, Michael sent me this super-rad list of Ten Rape Prevention Tips (something I’d been trying to track down for awhile). It includes wise nuggets such [...]
January 11, 2012 at 6:41 pm
lol i hope this is satire – shows how out of touch some feminists are
January 30, 2012 at 11:57 pm
I am STUNNED at the vast number of people who did not recognize the Rape Prevention List as satire.
Maybe the tool of satire is not commonly used enough in a democracy because there is no need to create a message within a message in order to prevent prosecution. Who knows?
I found this list valuable to remind me not to be scared, and to give a big F.U. to the violent men out there who think that by virtue of having a penis, they can do whatever they want in this world.
February 7, 2012 at 10:41 am
My son’s Health teacher handed it out to his 9th grade class and I thought it was totally inappropriate. I get the sarcasm but to hand this out to a class to be taken seriously is not right at all and it gives them the wrong message. I wasn’t happy about this.
February 7, 2012 at 7:49 pm
To end violent sexual crimes, and most others, all you have to do is eliminate the the crime of repression and guilt committed by organised religion; then within a generation or 2–voila!! Genuine Human Beings…….
February 8, 2012 at 6:35 pm
“When law enforcement gives rape prevention tips, they offer them to potential VICTIMS because the vicitim can control her actions.
The victim can not control the assailants.”
Do you mean to imply that assailants cannot control their actions? Why should we be holding them to a lower standard than we do victims? That is messed up.
February 14, 2012 at 2:00 pm
Thanks. You’re helped me to reconsider all those violent tendencies I didn’t know I had. Maybe you could follow up with some advice on how not to murder people.
We men really are a filthy bunch, aren’t we?
February 23, 2012 at 10:28 am
[...] list I just typed out is the stupid thing I’ve ever seen! How about those numbered lists of sexual assault prevention tips going around with items like “If you see someone, don’t follow them to their car and rape [...]
March 25, 2012 at 7:53 am
Woah, woah, woah. Guys get raped too. Why does this list make it seem like women are the only victims of rape? Please tell me that this is an attempt at satire..
March 25, 2012 at 8:18 am
I agree with Jon W. I mean, why is this ONLY directed towards women? Women can rape men/women, Men can rape women/men. Why is these ‘tips’ so sexist?
March 26, 2012 at 6:56 am
Maybe because it’s been one sided for a long time…just food for thought.
Would you like some links?
I mean I’m pretty sure guys get raped like girls, but come on, sexist? Isn’t that like going to a girl’s bathroom and getting pissed because there is no urinal?
There are plenty articles about what you’re whining about, so please go get your equality somewhere else. I’m pretty sure that’s what Google is there for.
April 10, 2012 at 2:05 am
Sexual assault can be the most tormenting experience that anyone can go through. It is very important to practice precautionary measures to protect ourselves from being a victim of such. This information you have shared are very helpful in doing so. Thanks for sharing.
April 20, 2012 at 10:59 am
Good lord, all you people who are offended (either defensively of men or defensively of rape-is-no-joke), or who took this as real advice anyone would think someone would follow (vs advice we wish people would take), have you never seen the scores of Rape Prevention Tips women get told, emailed, handed out, posted in bathrooms etc? We hear such Tips all the time, how WE can act differently than usual, to prevent someone from raping us. But what an idea, actually what if rapists just didn’t do it? This is turning that around, that’s all. Fabulous!!!