Freshman syllabus

I dropped off my twins at college. Two separate colleges. They were handed all sorts of orientation materials – maps, rules, class lists. But nothing to orient them to this life transition: learning how to believe in yourself in a competitive environment, trust a friend with secrets, or figure out if a friendship is becoming intimate. There is no syllabus for having a fair fight or managing jealously.

Wouldn’t it be helpful to have a life transition syllabus? It would be helpful to know something about what is ahead when building new community and habits in an unfamiliar place. Here are a few benchmarks that I would include:

Comfort:

• People may look fine from the outside, but lots are struggling and not talking about it
• Finding people that make your heart sing takes time―lots of time
• You have to introduce yourself over and over again and it is really awkward

Confidence:

• Say hi to the person sitting alone in the dining hall
• Exposure to different people and experiences will build your skills for the next time
• You are stronger than you think
• Fantastic teachers will inspire you

Autonomy:

• You will figure out how to balance class demands with all the rest of campus life
• The first people you connect with may not be your friends at the end of the year
• How you look, sound, move through the world is unique

I want my daughters and all young people entering college to know that they are good enough even if other people feel smarter or cooler. You are fabulous enough to take up space, get your questions answered by a professor, and be taken seriously by your peers. You, just you, are enough.